Involve Male Youth as Allies of Women
Posted Monday, April 27, 2009 by Tom Wilson

A Comprehensive Approach
The Strength Campaign
In contrast to traditional efforts that address men as “the problem, MCSR's pioneering Strength Campaign embraces men as vital allies with the will and character to make healthy choices and foster safe, equitable relationships.

Our youth development programming, public education messaging, and leadership training together constitute a unified and comprehensive campaign that has been launched in states and cities around the country.

Youth Development Programming
Men of Strength (MOST) Club

NEIL IRVIN
VICE PRESIDENT OF PROGRAMS
202.265.6530 x 19
nirvin@mencanstoprape.org

Neil has been instrumental in developing the Men of Strength (MOST) Club, the country's premier gender-based violence prevention program for young men, mobilizing over 1,000 Club members since 2001. He has grown the Club from one school in Washington, DC into Strong Moves, the largest city-wide program of its kind in the country, encompassing all sixteen public high schools, and serving as a model for other city municipalities. In 2005, he oversaw MCSR's partnership with the California Coalition Against Sexual Assault (CALCASA), which has established the Club in 15 high schools throughout the state. With Neil’s assistance, veteran Club members facilitated the first-ever college expansion in 2006, forming MOST Clubs at six universities throughout the Northeast. Growth has continued in 2007, with Strong Boroughs, an initiative spreading the MOST Club to all five boroughs of New York City, and with the establishment of four Men of Strength Clubs in North Carolina as part of phase-one in a statewide Strength Campaign.

From 1995 to 2001, Neil worked for Maryland's Department of Health and Mental Hygiene at the Regional Institute for Children and Adolescents. He is trained in group dynamics and facilitation, along with crisis intervention and one-to-one counseling. He is a state certified sex educator as well as a certified S.H.A.R.P. (sexual health and responsibility program) trainer. His experience covers all ages and genders, though the majority of his training and work has focused on high school boys. In addition, Mr. Irvin has worked for the Boy’s and Girls Club of Greater Washington, Big Brothers Big Sisters, Montgomery County Recreation Department, and the Y.W.C.A., providing age-appropriate activities for students and their families.



Since 2000, the Men of Strength (MOST) Club—the premier primary prevention program for male youth in the country—has provided high school age young men with a structured and supportive space to learn about healthy masculinity and redefine male strength. Each year-long, multi-session Club builds members’ ability to translate their learning into community leadership.

Darkness to Light
Posted Friday, August 22, 2008 by Tom Wilson

I have talked with a few volunteer groups at different times, groups that recruit male volunteers for mentoring or working with youth. Several groups that I have talked to, expressed an interest in having more men involved, but they also want to be comfortable with the men who come forward, to believe that each male involvement will have a high likelyhood of being an asset to the work of their project. I recently learned about a national program called "Darkness to Light" ( http://store.darkness2light.org/SearchResults.asp?Cat=45&Redirected=Y).


It appears to me that this program has on-line training that an agency could assign a staff person to take, that would allow the agency to make such assessments. They have some specific brochures for organizations like "Our organization is doing everything it can to prevent child sexual abuse, is yours?" and one for parents called "Speak up and speak out". Actually, the "Children's Advocacy Center of Ottawa County recommends the use of this program( http://www.cac-ottawa.org/Prevention.shtml). If you are in or know other people who are in agencies, they may find these resources useful. Regards

Answer to Questions about Men's Class Goals
Posted Sunday, December 17, 2006 by Tom Wilson

In response to a couple questions I was asked about, I offer the following.

Theoretical Underpinnings of curriculum

A. Some principles underpinning my curriculum for re-educating men that come to mind are;
• The systematic oppression of women is a conspicuous and tragic fact of history. Restricted to narrow spheres of activity in the life of society, denied educational opportunities and basic human rights, subjected to violence, and frequently treated as less than human, women have been prevented from realizing their true potential. Age-old patterns of subordination, reflected in popular culture, literature and art, law, and even religious scriptures, continue to pervade every aspect of life. Despite the advancement of political and civil rights for women in America and the widespread acceptance of equality in principle, full equality has not been achieved.
• The world of humanity is possessed of two wings: the male and the female. So long as these two wings are not equivalent in strength, the bird will not fly.
• The damaging effects of gender prejudice are a fault line beneath the foundation of our national life. The gains for women rest uneasily on unchanged, often unexamined, inherited assumptions.
• The achievement of full equality requires a new understanding of who we are, what is our purpose in life, and how we relate to one another – an understanding that will compel us to reshape our lives and thereby our society.
• For the lamps of justice to shine brightly in the realm of family and social relationships, the veils of all forms of prejudicial inequality must be removed.

B. In addition to the ideas my curriculum teaches, my class has a unique goal of creating structured male conversation on male female characteristics and exploring thoughts of how they are formed. In order to attract initial and subsequent students, the tone of the conversation must reflect an intension to educate not condemn. The class is to create a conversation about some sample general characteristics that have become associated with males, as seen by both male and female eyes. A conversation to help males see, think about and appreciate the general characteristics of females, not just to see females as sexual objects. A conversation to develop additional empathy in men towards women and to suggest new behavior to males related to attaining mutually beneficial relationships with women.


I contend that without some knowledge and insight related to general gender patterns, that the collision of these male female patterns in relationships often results in accumulating relationship damage. Without knowledge, I contend these collisions cause emotionally charged not thoughtful responses. The research based theoretical underpinnings supporting the gender education ideas taught in my current curriculum, are;
• In the information presentation portion of my curriculum, I list several instances where I cite researchers who speak to the general characteristics that have become associated with males and with females. The sources I suggest are informative, but there likely are other sources that communicate the patterns I feel need to be discussed.
1. Gurian cites research that indicates that generally, some gender differences in behavior characteristics that may be caused during brain development and the presence or absence of serotonin or testosterone.
2. I did research in reviewing state-wide MEAP reading scores in Michigan that showed an escalating performance gap favoring girls in Michigan schools. The MEAP scoring guide indicates that work products receive low scores when they have little focus or lack central ideas, where organization of thought is lacking and where a lack of vocabulary interferes with understanding and knowing this, men need to reinforce that boys need to work harder in this skill area.
3. The materials used by the Heim Group in their Gender Speak workshop, addressing general gender patterns; Hierarchy vs. Flat (M v F interpersonal) Structure, Power Dead-Even (F pattern), Process Focus vs. Goal Focus (how we achieve F as important as just achieving M), Linear Focus vs. Multiple Focus (M v F) and Talk it Over Vs. Give the Answer (F v M) are based on their research and address new characteristics that males could benefit understanding and practicing.
• In the reflection of the past portion of my curriculum, I ask that the facilitator engage students in a conversation related to how we males teach each other to objectify, as young boys. I suggest this, because I believe that this boy on boy training to objectify women is at the core of the lingering adult male ideas that greatly influence what many males think about females. I than believe that because many men define women in this limited way, that our single focus behavior as it relates to seeing women as sex objects, sets the stage for many males to justify a lot of bad behavior, including domestic and sexual violence, when we don’t get what we want (impose unwanted dominance). I have searched for research on this cause and effect and talked to a number of experts in and outside of Michigan and found that no one has studied the causation I suggest. Even though this reflection of the past portion of my proposed class is the most critically important to me, I am convinced that it must follow an engaging education.


• Finally, the remaining portion of my class is meant to be additional conversation related to students of the class reflecting on a course of action for them, for continuing their education and personal growth and for similarly educating boys they have influence over.
In speaking with every group I could find that wants to attract men to an effort to stop the violence against women, they all say the challenge is getting men to come forward. I believe men will be attracted to a class to acquire education and ideas meant to help them acquire new knowledge and strategies to move beyond where they are, if presented in the way I propose. I understand the approach needs testing, but I need a partner like IRWG to help me do that.

Relationship to Feminist Practice, principles and pedagogy

On this request, am I to understand that you are referring to the presence of the interactive process where all voices are heard and solicited, the lack of group hierarchy, learning being a joint enterprise between students and facilitators, rather than a matter of imparting knowledge?

It is my vision that class facilitators will;
• Be screened and carefully selected to make sure that the male facilitators for my class all have a basic knowledge of gender patterns and are able to refer students to known materials that continue the education in ways important to the students.

It is my vision that instructional strategies include;
• Building in the elements of the social learning process
1 Class presentations (by instructor and guest presenters).
2 Training demonstrations (live and audio visual).
3 Practice sessions (practice timing and organization of class and practice this including feedback).
• Following information presentations at each step build in class discussion, ask for personal examples and suggest that other sources not used in the class be sought out to broaden understanding.
• Maintain a learning environment in the class that seeks to involve all and minimize the few from monopolizing conversation.

Tenetive Curriculum for Class for Men
Posted Sunday, December 17, 2006 by Tom Wilson

Objectives:
• Learn about the different interpersonal behavior patterns that have developed mainly as a result of socialized pressures that cause many males and females to manage their lives in very different ways.
• Learn about the socialized thoughts that many boys and men have absorbed at a young age (prepotent socialized gender training ideas) about females and how those thoughts affect behavior.
• Consider how these ideas about females and uniquely male behaviors can and do cause (maladaptive) challenges to many men in their relationships with females.
• Consider how expanding our ideas about who girls and women are and are about, can improve our male quality of life and the quality of life for the boys, girls and women in our lives.


A. Information (Basic Knowledge)

• Review the socialized, chemical and possible brain differences, as they may affect the volume and style of communication that men and women experience and how those differences affect the nature of and opportunities for men and women, boys and girls to verbally give and receive quality information.
o See Gurian, Michael and Stevens, Kathy. (2005) The Minds of Boys: Saving Our Sons From Falling Behind in School and Life. John Wiley, to describe differences in brain development of men and women based upon recent research and to cite differences in socialization practices of men and women in diverse cultures within the United States (may need to list or specify these).

• Cite statistics on achievement in various areas of girls vs. boys.
o Review the findings from Michigan.

• Review some of the ways teachers in K-12 education could maximize the success of boys and girls by using different strategies to deliver content.
o See above The Minds of Boys, Gurian, Michael. Boys and Girls Learn Differently! (2001) Jossey-Bass: San Francisco, CA, and Karges-Bone, Linda. (1998) More Than Pink and Blue: How Gender Can Shape Your Curriculum. Teaching and Learning Company: 1204 Buchanan St., Carthage, IL 62321-0010.

• Review the traditional patterns of parenting roles between men and women and how these patterns limit or encourage communication from dads or moms.
o Dr. Pat Heim of The Heim Group (http://www.heimgroup.com/, 1-888-917-7797) explains some of the different rules of the male and female cultures and how to improve understanding and workplace communication between men and women. In many cases these gender rules are also sought in our married and family lives as well.



B. Reflection (Creating Volition)

• Review language and behavior of boy-to-boy (female objectification) education that most males receive as boys that defined who women were and what masculinity was.
o The practice of reviewing the male-to-male education of sexually objectifying women is a key element of the Men’s Work: Gender, Race and Sexism session I at Leaven, and is a key element of the work of Paul Kivel, Victor Lewis and Hugh Vasquez of the Oakland Men’s Project. Paul Kivel addresses this behavior in part on pages 38 through the top of page 43 of his book “Men’s Work, how to stop the violence that tear our lives apart, Hazelden, 1992.

• Review harmful behaviors that we used as an individual at different stages of our life to objectify women and what to share with your sons.

• Review the peer pressure groups that perpetuate female objectification.

• Brainstorm/Sharing
1. Possible consequences on male-female relationships and on individuals affected by male objectification of women.
2. How objectification changed at different stages of the male life cycle and whether it ever included remorse.
3. Differences in how males relate to females in the household versus in society at large (e.g., expect the wife to wait on the husband but report to a female boss held in high esteem).

C. Education (More Advanced Education and Action)

• Consider the need to adopt a different personal view of women? Personal transformation to a different view of women/girls and to be a more educated dad.
• Recommended reading: For Men Only, How to Love a Woman Without Losing Your Mind, by Joseph Angelo.
• Monitor your son in acquiring skills in effective reading, listening and self-expression with both males and females.
• Consider ideas suggested to men for coaching boys into men, like the Family Violence Prevention Fund, http://endabuse.org/cbim/
• Sign up for the weekly e-mail information source, http://fatherhood.about.com/gi/pages/mmail.htm
.
• Work for “relationship empowerment,” rather than “personal empowerment”, see “The New Rules of Marriage,” by relationship counselor Terrence Real

D. What Now (Action)

• Identify strategies to modify our thoughts and behavior toward females and what to share with your sons.

• Identify strategies to suggest to sons for their lives and follow-up.

E. Strategies (How and When Review for Correct Understanding)

• When should a dad approach his son?

• Are we appropriate role models for our sons?

• Review strategies for effective dialogue with our sons and daughters.

Class for Men Project Plan
Posted Sunday, December 17, 2006 by Tom Wilson

OVERALL GOALS
• Create a class to help men achieve mutually successful relationships with the women and daughters in their lives and to mentor boys to achieve the same.
• Create a class especially for men who are not necessarily class takers.
• Offer class content that will provide men expanded, accurate and multifaceted views of the patterns (most socialized, although some claim some biological) that influence their lives and therefore the lives of many women and girls. With this new view, men will be better able to formulate more effective strategies for evaluating and implementing quality relationship building inputs.
• By providing positive input options, the class will help a man stay engaged in healthy positive relationships.
• Create a beginning class that will be followed by other classes that will help men learn to become more active in and more deeply committed to ongoing marital, child nurturing and family relationship growth.

HOPED FOR BY-PRODUCT
By having both men and women educated in relationship building skills, I contend that we can lower divorce, domestic and sexual violence rates and increase family economic resources, individual emotional and self esteem satisfaction for more people.

A. What Short Term Next Steps?
• Get buy-in from the appropriate academic, mental health and gender activist communities on basic class materials and instructional approach.
1. Psychology Department.
o Industrial Psychology
• Clinical Psychology and Mental Health
2. School of Education
• Educational Psychology
• Education Administration
• Department of Counseling
• Create a class outline that calls for ideas on building in the elements of the social learning process
1 Class presentations (by instructor and guest presenters).
2 Training demonstrations (live and audio visual).
3 Practice sessions (practice timing and organization of class and practice this including feedback).
• Identify a master trainer(s) to train class instructors.
• Identify an initial per trainer cost for the basic class resources.
• Budget for training and materials to begin offering the class and seek funding.

B. Long Term Steps?

• Identify the men who will first be trained as class instructors.
1 Ecumenical Theological Seminary, (ETS), Detroit
2 Interns who have some background in gender differences, from the above University departments
• Create a participant evaluation form, to be used as a tool to confirm that the mission integrity that sanctioned classes are to cover, were covered.
• Create a first phase budget for enough sets of instructor resources, as are needed for 3 classes of instructors.
• Recruit the Downriver Guidance Clinic (not interested 11-30) or a University to take on the responsibility for class instructor training and for compiling relevant project data to track rates related to the defined hoped for by-products.
1 Guidance Center contacts Dr. Deb Willis, DWillis@guidance-center.org , Director of Center of Excellence, 734-785-7769 & Ed DiAngelo, EdAngelo@guidance-center.org, Head Start Administration. or
2 University contacts, especially those specializing in teacher, administrator training.
• Recruit the Downriver Guidance Clinic/ University partner, the Michigan Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence and a representative of the Michigan Gender Equity Team, to monitor class evaluations, make sure that sanctioned instructors and classes are maintaining mission integrity and to recommend changes to maximize mission integrity.
• Recruit YWCA branches throughout Michigan to be the primary vehicle for offering the classes to the public.
• Seek needed funding for a first phase state-wide roll-out.
• Develop a marketing package: Based on my description of the class,
1. Present to Medical doctor(s) and ask them to take information about the class to their family practice and OBGYN peers for referrals to their patients,
2. Present to churches in Detroit and other places that have current initiatives related to men, to take information to their church members, like Barbara and Brenda who I know,
3. To parents without partners branches.
4. Through high school football coach contacts (Rod), who would than talk about referrals to Michigan Football Coaches Association about the class,
5. Present to a Michigan Education Association (MEA) Professional Development and Michigan Parent Teacher Student Association (PTSA) state conferences, to present info about the availability of the class, to teachers and parents.
6. Ask Pat Sargent of Great Start Collaborative Wayne (contact Linda Stanko) if Great Support would support the need, (734-282-5497).

Help Boys Better Communicate, Help Stop Violence
Posted Thursday, May 25, 2006 by Tom Wilson

Dear Friends,


In Michigan schools today, there are content areas where degrees of success are skewed depending on the gender of the student. Some of these content areas that under serve one gender or the other, have continued year after year and have become traditional and systemic. These unbalanced results become traditional and have serious implications to the ability of both genders to achieve and to successfully socialize in adult relationships later in life.


We know that 80% of the males in prison were poor readers and or were school dropouts. We know males are socialized to be more aggressive. We know that when boys can read well and do experience nurturing environments, they are far less likely to be criminals, including initiating domestic abuse and date violence and are more likely to enjoy interpersonal success within marriages and in relationships. As an example, the existing unbalanced systemic and unattended to gender disparities in Michigan’s schools, keeps large numbers of boys in their current situation and continues the pattern of girls being less competitive and less able in technological and mechanical areas.


One of the underserved scenarios is the fact that when statewide k-12 MEAP scores in reading/writing are disaggregated by gender, we have a large gap between the performance of boys and girls in Michigan and I believe nationwide. I found that Girls out perform boys with a gap of 15 in the 4th grade, 18 in 7th and 34 in 11th, when I looked a few years ago. I feel it is reasonable to believe that such a gap leaves many boys with significantly inferior self-expression skills, especially during times when we know testosterone is causing their hormones to propel them into situations they have little insight for. On top of this, I believe it to be commonly known that boys tend to be socialized to greater self-talk, far less open verbal interplay. I suggest with research, we likely will find that this deficit results in boys having less of an ability to form empathy, that might moderate the most negative of their internal conclusions about life, relationships and who girls or women are?


We know students that read more do better than students who don't. No one has tested the connectivity between boys having much lower verbal, thinking or writing skills and their negative behavior. Instructions for our MEAP reading tests, in part indicate that low scores result from a lack of organization of thought and where a lack of vocabulary interferes with understanding. We need to know whether having this academic deficit contributes to the bad behavior of many boys forcing themselves on girls physically. If a causation connection between low communication skills and a high incidence of physical violence, from the same gender, can be supported by testing, than perhaps educators and parents might be convinced to finally do the long needed work to close the communication skill gap, which might very well lessen the level of physical violence against girls and women? Even if we can't stop all violence against girls and women by this, perhaps we can stop a lot of violence, improve a lot of male/female relationships (marriages) and help a lot of boys feel less bottled up.


Perhaps all of us, in our homes and in our local school districts, need to check and make sure that our boys and girls are both achieving equally well and both receiving equal support. The data is or should be available to make such determinations. Let us demand it be used!

MHSAA Rule Change Excludes Boys, Limits Girls
Posted Thursday, May 25, 2006 by Tom Wilson

Dear Friends,


Please consider helping with the following new issue.


Tom Wilson , Incorporator
Michigan Gender Equity Team (M GET)
4045-23rd Street
Wyandotte, MI 48192-6902
313-235-2168 (work)
e-mail wybearfan1@aol.com
http://mi-gender-equity.com/


April 1, 2006


In 1994 the Michigan High School Athletic Association (MHSAA), without federal OCR agreement, designated competitive cheer a sport in Michigan and created MHSAA competitions for this new activity. Prior to this, the Michigan Cheerleading Coaches Association (MCCA) had been offering a State Cheerleading Championship (for both sideline and competitive cheer). Before and after 1994, MHSAA did not call sideline cheer a sport, but it did and does have MHSAA rules that control sideline cheering in game cheering situations. MHSAA rules on sideline cheering did not and do not address the gender of those who may sideline cheer.

In 1994, following MHSAA instituting competitive cheer as a sport in Michigan, MCCA started limiting their state competitions to sideline cheer only. In October 2005, MHSAA rolled out new competitive cheer rules, forcing all students who competitively cheer, to only compete in MHSAA approved formats, a format that means only girls, only at MHSAA sponsored events, only using the MHSAA rules for cheer competition, during their competitive cheer season. Prior to the MHSAA 2005 rule change, many competitive and sideline cheer squads in Michigan were coed, as they are in all other states. In addition, many boys and girls could strengthen their skills through MCCA and “All-Star” brand, club training and competitions.

In the case of competitive cheer, the All-Star name reflects an organization that is just like AAU is, to basketball and volleyball. The MHSAA has a standing rule for all of their sanctioned sports, a rule that says that students participating in MHSAA sanction sports are not allowed to participate in all star activities, where participants are chosen and invited to join. Even though the nature of the competitive cheer All Star gyms organization does not fit the MHSAA interpretation 143, MHSAA has decided to ban cheer students from participating in their AAU type experience, “All Star gym” competitions.

By its 2006 ruling, rather than encouraging the participation of boys, MHSAA has now excluded all boys from MHSAA sanctioned competitive cheer. Unlike other sports where students have an AAU type experience, MHSAA bans boys and penalizes competitive cheer participants who compete in their AAU type club competitive cheer activity and punishes them and their school district by excluding them from participating in any MHSAA sponsored sport, if they do. Again, Michigan is the ONLY state that offers competitive cheer that does not allow boys to compete (per Cheerleading Forum of America 2005). Michigan is also the only state that uses the three-round format (a format that excludes the need for the skill set that boys would bring). For this reason the girls hoping to cheer in college are at a disadvantage because our format excludes boys, as are the Michigan boys, who are prohibited from gaining needed skill and experience.

There are MANY scholarship opportunities for boys because there are so few male cheerleaders, and the new MHSAA rules will particularly hurt Michigan boys from benefiting from available scholarships. Yes boys can sideline cheer at games, but let's be honest, if boys put in the work to gain skills, they will want to compete. Would you tell a girls or boy basketball player- "you can practice, but you can't play any competitive games"?

The scary thing is- the word is out and the brave boys who had been participating in cheer, in spite of a climate where boys are often not invited to join, are just resigning themselves to this decision! Typical male cheerleaders today, only cheer their junior and senior year, because they are often not secure enough to participate in a coed sport. The cheer experience of boys, who are seniors now, won’t be affected, but the experience of currently participating juniors and of younger boys, will be that of a slamming door to an opportunity that could have made their and our lives richer.

Finding Resolution

As you know, after both sides had a fair chance to present evidence, U.S. District Court Judge Richard A. Enslen found on December 17, 2001, in the lawsuit between Communities For Equity (CFE) and MHSAA, that MHSAA's scheduling of interscholastic athletic seasons violates Title IX, as well as the federal and state civil rights of Michigan's high school girls by scheduling them to play in disadvantageous or nontraditional seasons.

Within the December 17, 2001 ruling, the ruling held that (1) MHSAA is a state actor that must respect the constitutional rights of constituents, (2) MHSAA must comply with Title IX because it controls the interscholastic athletic programs of its federally funded members, and (3) MHSAA must comply with Michigan's state civil rights laws (Eliot Larsen).

In its role as the controller of the interscholastic athletic programs of its federally funded members, MHSAA continues to tell Michigan school districts that competitive cheer is a sport. By telling them this, Michigan school districts are mislead by MHSAA to mistakenly count the participation numbers from cheerleading, into the girl’s count, when each district considers its proportionality numbers. Since in January 2000, the Federal Justice Department filed an amicus brief supporting the CFE action against MHSAA, the Justice Department is on record that there is a federal interest in the bad behavior of MHSAA.


In addition:
MHSAA mistakenly and openly calls Michigan competitive cheer a sport,
• By MHSAA misleading Michigan local school districts, by telling them that competitive cheer is a sport when it isn’t, local schools are overstating their athletic programs serving girls, placing local schools that counted on these participation numbers, out of compliance and under serving Michigan girls,
• Unlike every other state in the United States that has competitive cheer squads, MHSAA prohibits boys from the competitive cheer activity and the opportunities and benefits that participation brings,
• By prohibiting boys, MHSAA also restricts the potential skill and collegiality development of girls, by prohibiting girls from working on cheers that include boys, and
• By mistakenly characterizing all-star gyms as an all star team, MHSAA is creating financial harm to the gyms and singling out Michigan cheerleaders to withhold opportunities to have an AAU type skill enhancement experience.

What is the Complaint

File a complaint against MHSAA and the member districts that have competitive cheer, for excluding boys from the competitive cheer activity. The needed list of parents of boys who want to cheer, will be the list of those who are harmed. Also file a complaint against MHSAA, for misrepresenting competitive cheer as being a sport and by doing so to cause the districts that believe them, to be out of proportion in serving their female athletes.

On the All-Star gyms issue, the individual Michigan all-star gyms need to come together and to file a common civil law suit against MHSAA for something like restraint of trade.